We Interrupt These Road Trip Ramblings…
…to inform you that I went into the bathroom this morning to take a shower, and there, on the bathmath, was a FUCKING DEAD MOUSE.
Yeah, I know. I screamed, too.
No, I didn’t take a picture of it. I was too busy trying to calculate my next move.
Let me preface this by saying that I hate, hate, HATE rodents of all types. Their fur is dirty and gross, their beady eyes are menacing, and they clearly have ulterior motives. Last summer I got up to pee in the middle of the night while on family vacation in Minnesota and came face to face with a small brown mouse. As it was 2AM, I tried not to scream, just peed while holding my feet as far off the ground as possible without sacrificing fighting position, then ran and jumped back into bed and told Chris about it. I spent the rest of the vacation terrified that this same brown mouse would run over my face at night, gnaw my eyes out, and infect me with rabies while doing so.
Also, I hate bunnies.
You can imagine what it was like when I spied a possum on my back porch one night last year. I screamed, then locked myself in our bedroom until Chris came home and could declare an all-clear. Have you seen a possum’s nose? Or their long tail? Disgusting.
Here’s the thing. I know rodents are smaller than me and *allegedly* more frightened of me than vice versa. Bullshit. Those things resent being lower on the food chain and the target of cartoon ridicule, and they’ll mercilessly spread disease and pestilence until they feel they have compensated the memory of their forefathers.
So, yeah. I’m not trying to have a faceoff with a mouse, rat, squirrel, possum, feral hamster or guinea pig, or any of their disgusting ilk. Or rabbits. So I picked that motherfucker up with a broom and a dustpan and threw it in the yard and am TRYING to get on with my day. I just thought you should know that no matter what Walt Disney tries to brainwash you into thinking, you CANNOT trust a rodent. Even a dead one.
(On November 20th, 2009 at 10:12 am)
OMGosh, hilarious. You and my husband are close kin when it comes to loathing rodents. I should tell you the story about the time I had to hold a very large adult possum around the middle and pin it to the ground while it hissed at me. For real.
(On November 20th, 2009 at 11:58 am)
I feel for you. I am still waiting for the mouse I found over the summer to come around so I can see it dead.
And the possums I see in the back yard are what my sibs and I refer to as R.O.U.S.s (hopefully you have seen The Princess Bride). They are nasty and I agree that their faces make me squirm.
(On November 20th, 2009 at 1:34 pm)
Ask Patty about the skunks she watched move in under their front porch last week!! NASTY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rodents should have gone with the dinosaurs, NASTY!!!!!!
(On November 20th, 2009 at 6:15 pm)
I got in a fight with a possum once.