Blessings
Gah, it’s depressing around here with all the dying going on. Let’s open the windows and let some air in, shall we? It smells like feet and wet dog.
I know something uplifting and happy: BABIES! Oh, mama, this girl’s got babies on the brain. I went to my college friend Nikki’s baby shower on Saturday. She’s having a baby girl next month. I hadn’t seen her pregnant yet, and it kind of blew my mind. My group of girlfriends who attended are all former college soccer teammates and I lived with most of them at one point. I have seen all of them naked numerous times. This brings a new dimension to contemplating pregnancy, because I know what Nikki’s non-preggo body looks like. It’s the closest thing to envisioning myself pregnant as I can get, except Nikki’s got way better boobs. And she’s skinnier than me. And taller.
ANYWAY, weirdly, going to a baby shower in Warrenton, along with going to a batshit-crazy Babies R Us on Saturday morning in Chesterfield Valley (which takes the cake for Mordor-like places, if you were keeping track) made me all tired, yet my ovaries were singing. It didn’t help that I saw two of the cutest babies I know yesterday at lunch: Reis and Myles. I just wanted to slather them with rarebit and take them home with me, they’re so smiley and cuddly and well-dressed. So this all made me want to get down to the business of birthin’ a wee KBO/OllyOllyO mashup.
My mom, aunts, and grandma are reading this and freaking out right now, I just know it. Slow your roll, ladies, I gotta get the crazy stable before I add small children into the mix. I heard it’s bad to self-medicate while pregnant unless you want your kid’s eyes on the sides of its face.
Plus, my friend JJ was telling me something about granny panties with ice packs in the crotch? And Nikki said she puked every day for the first four months, and I only puke at parties. And then there was this Jenny McCarthy book Nikki had that had a whole chapter on DISCHARGE? Which, gross, I can’t believe I typed that, but yeah COME ON. I think maybe they should use that book in sex ed for kids. That’s the real scared straight stuff. I would like to tell the teenaged girls that having a baby is cute and all and people buy you stuff, but there’s a real chance you could tear out your taint. This is how you get kids to keep their legs closed, amiright?
The only cool thing is that I guess you can get really bad gas, which I view as a plus, because then I have free reign to fart on Chris and he can’t get mad because, hello, YOUR BABY IS IN MY STOMACH. Trump card. So I guess I’ll just look forward to that.
(On February 22nd, 2010 at 2:24 pm)
Oh my darlin’ you is sew smart
I heard a rumor that it is all worth it in the end, but unless she comes out of the womb with a batch of cupcakes, fully able to do all the laundry, and with a solid investment strategy that will set me up for life I may be sorely disappointed. Although I would really, really love to read your pov on pregnancy and motherhood…
(On February 22nd, 2010 at 2:26 pm)
OhMyJeebus… the taint-ripping has made my legs permanently cross.
I tell ya, it really helps to have a close pal or relative knock out a MiniMe. Addison kept us in BabyMakin’-Pause mode for a long time. Now that she sings songs about poop and goes on the Big Girl Potty, that BabyCrazy is beginning to take over once more…
(On February 22nd, 2010 at 2:56 pm)
I love babies!!!!!
did you see the previews for “babies” four babies from around the world that they follow for 1 year
(On February 22nd, 2010 at 3:52 pm)
I think babies are so cute and I occasionally want one. Then I realize they’re like kittens – they grow up.
In junior high they made us watch a video of a live birth. After that every girl in the class vowed they’d never have sex. Sex education – it WORKS.
(On February 22nd, 2010 at 4:21 pm)
Please wait until after our super fun camping summer 2010!
(On February 22nd, 2010 at 4:36 pm)
As a first time pregnant lady, I can verify the bad gas and need for granny panties, even before the baby comes. Errr, and, uh…discharge. Yeah. Moving on. However, I haven’t puked once, and have really not been very sick at all. Which only proves that every pregnancy is different, so you can’t really assume that being pregnant=puking your guts out.
Oh, and the tearing thing has me a bit wigged out, even though several new moms who did tear during delivery tell me it’s not that bad. Bascuse me?!?! C-section sounds preferable! (Though I am going to try to go au natural. GULP.) Oh, and I was mighty disturbed when I learned that most women POOP during delivery. Oh yeah. Can you imagine dropping a deuce while your nether regions are on full display to every nurse, doctor and family member that happens to be there??? Again, my friends tell me by that point, you really don’t care. I’ll have to take their word for it. Yikes!
(On February 22nd, 2010 at 5:28 pm)
I have had the same thoughts when some one close to me gets pregnant or has a little baby. Then I go back to teaching and it is like more birth control than I am already on. If only I could have a baby when it is able to interact with people and keep it under the age of maybe 4-5 forever, I would be cool.
Though I do want to pop out a shorty some time soon. I think you will be a great mom! And that you will make some killa school lunches and sleep over food for your children, too.
(On February 22nd, 2010 at 8:26 pm)
You forget all that “stuff” after you give birth and see that wonderful baby. Of course, the second time around you think “I remember now – what the hell was I thinking!” You three kids were worth every single thing your dad and I went through. And a.eye is right – you will be an awesome mom. And I plan on being an awesome grandma (however, I do prefer not to be 85 by time it happens). And don’t forget – twins run in the family. What do you think I was thinking after Jake was born (oh crap – I have to do this again!)
(On February 23rd, 2010 at 1:50 pm)
Glad to hear I’m not the only one with babies on the brain. I’m going to try to make it through my honeymoon without getting knocked up (because how cliche is that) but once we get back, all bets are off.
Also, I read this shiznit earlier today: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/02/22/AR2010022203639.html?nav=rss_email/components
And although you’re younger than me, it almost scared my pants off. Which is why I’m now researching ways to make my uterus a more open and welcoming place.
Yes, I’m crazy.
(On February 23rd, 2010 at 11:24 pm)
Robert (my new baby) turns two months old tomorrow, so I can verify with relatively fresh recall that it is all true! The icepack inside the granny panties, while disturbing before birth, will feel like the best thing that ever happened to you. Sadly, the pooping is true too, and I ALMOST didn’t care by that point. But they are right, the memory kinda fades away and it is totally worth it. Besides, it is your responsibility to the world to make sure that awesome hair gets passed on to the next generation.
(On February 24th, 2010 at 6:51 pm)
Aunt B can’t wait, but I don’t want to be great Aunt, lets come up with something way cooler than Great Aunt B! You and Chris will be great parents and kids are totally worth all that stuff you mentioned. I love every minute of being a Mom, ok, well most minutes considering Hilary is still on the payroll! Watch out for the Best gene, its a doosy!