Mar 9th, 2010 | Garden, life | 6 Comments
Spring! I wore shorts yesterday and Sunday, and I so very badly wanted to put on flip-flops, KBO footwear of choice from April to October. Alas, I only made the transition from winter’s ubiquitous hiking boots to my sneakers. This time of year is my favorite, because the realization that the weather will undoubtedly get warmer is a daily treat, a surprise one gets when they don’t have to wear a winter coat or flinch going outside. I can smell the ground thawing and see little hints of emerging life. The perennial herbs in our front beds are peeking out from last year’s dead remnants. I saw tiny purple crocuses in a neighbors yard. Our yard only has last fall’s leaves and five months of dog shit that I must remove in order to dig my new giant garden bed. If only our dog shit had crocuses growing in it. My yard would be magical. → continue reading
Feb 22nd, 2010 | family, life | 11 Comments
Gah, it’s depressing around here with all the dying going on. Let’s open the windows and let some air in, shall we? It smells like feet and wet dog. → continue reading
Feb 10th, 2010 | family, life | 10 Comments
My grandma died last Thursday night.
I had school in Minnesota on Friday and Saturday, and the visitation was not until Monday, so we drove through the snow on Monday morning to get to rural southeastern Iowa, where the cattle were huddled together in the snow-covered fields.
My grandma was 92 years old. The visitation and funeral was unremarkable; family members I had not seen in years and years, church ladies saying goodbye to one of their own, old neighbors from across the county. There was the church lady-catered luncheon, with too many Jello and mayo-based salads to count. There were the requisite plants and flowers sent in memoriam, pictures of her life and our family displayed. One picture caught my eye, something I hadn’t seen before: my grandma and grandpa; sitting at a bar, each with a drink, my grandpa in his Army uniform. The souvenir photo was from Jack Dempsey’s Broadway Bar and Cocktail Lounge in New York, taken in 1946. It cost $1.
My grandma didn’t marry my grandpa until she was 29, older than most women of her generation. She didn’t have my Aunt Pat until she was 35. She had my Aunt Barb when she was 46. 46! My Aunt Barb is 46 now, and her daughters are 18 and 19. I can’t imagine her having a newborn right now, but my grandma, in the 1960’s, was raising a toddler alongside teens. → continue reading
Feb 4th, 2010 | Food, Garden, St Louis, Uncategorized, education, life, work | 8 Comments
The Bad News (because I’d rather get it out of the way first):
When I left my job helping unqualified people become underwhelming teachers (I KID, at least five of them were competent. Ashley, you’re one of them), I went to work with a friend, helping her with the small business she owned. When I started working with her, we set a three-month trial period, at the end of which either of us could withdraw from the arrangement, no hard feelings. Unfortunately, due to a really crappy economy, she really couldn’t afford to keep me after three and a half months, which I expected. Therefore, as of Friday, I have no substantive incoming coming in regularly.
Which kind of sucks. → continue reading
Jan 11th, 2010 | 180, life | 6 Comments
Six months from today, I will turn 30. That’s approximately 180 days (exactly 182 but we’re going with 180 BECAUSE I SAID SO) from today. Today I start a new project: 180 in 180. I’m tired of being unhealthy in almost every aspect of my life; I’m tired of feeling like dookie all the time. It’s time to turn this nonsense around; why not aim for a relative transformation for my 30th birthday since I will obviously be too old after July 11th to do anything but fade into obscurity. I’ll just be too damn old. I kid. → continue reading
Dec 31st, 2009 | life | 14 Comments
Hello, little neglected blog.
I’ve been mulling over a post trying to summarize how I’ve been feeling. I’ve got various drafts in various forms saved, none of them saying what I really want to say. And that, readers, summarizes how the last few months have been. I can’t really find a way to say what I really want to say.
2009 was probably the worst year of the decade for me. I don’t want to keep talking about depression, because I vowed that that’s not what this blog would be about and that’s not the kind of blog this is. But, in a stealth, quiet, seemingly-unobtrusive way, it’s permeated corners of my brain I didn’t think it could. The various medicines my insurance company requires I try out have left me veritably mute, unable to articulate how I’m feeling in a way that I know I’m capable of. My writing feels flat–if I can even get words on the screen. Despite the fact that my mind is constantly racing, I can’t develop a thought at the level I want–I’m unable to untangle the giant knot inside my brain. My schoolwork has suffered. I’ve self-medicated to an unhealthy level. I’m unhealthy.
Other than the dormancy of my words, the most frustrating thing for me is my inability to distinguish between legitimate, real feelings and thoughts and irrational ones brought on by my sick brain. I can’t tell what’s real, what’s perception, particularly when it comes to my interactions with other people. All my insecurities are magnified, and I constantly feel like the biggest asshole in the room. Is this really me? Who I am?
I guess I just wanted to wait to really close off this year with some finality. I’d rather face the triteness of the new year being a fresh start than just continue fumbling. I’ve got to start clawing my way out, and the ritual of a new year is as good a place to start as any. Despite the frustrations of the past year, there were silver linings peaking out everywhere. I left a job I hated with a passion. A friend reached out to me to help get me in a place where I could do that, I am am so grateful to her for that. I went to BlogHer. I started the Novice Foodie this year and met so many amazing, awesome, talented people within the food community, making some wonderful friends in the process. My girlfriends (and their respective dudes) here were, as always, supportive and outrageously gut-busting fun. Most of all, my husband was with me every step of the way, loving me for exactly who I am, pushing aside his own struggles to support me through mine, turning every low point into an opportunity to love each other better. When my head felt like it was going to explode while weaning myself off a drug, he reassured me that it would pass, stroking my hair and telling me over and over that this was not my fault. When I unfairly took my own frustrations out on him, he never wavered, simply calmed me, then helped me communicate what I was really feeling. I’m fucking lucky. Our marriage is stronger now than it was a year ago, and that is something to be thankful for.
I am also so thankful for every single comment, e-mail, Facebook message, and Twitter DM from you guys. You let me know that I’m not alone, and that my abnormality is somewhat normal, and that continues to keep me smiling. My in real life friends don’t always get the blogging community and why I love it, but this is why. There is always someone to hear you when you just need to scream (particularly at insurance companies. People LOVE it when you scream at insurance companies).
So my new year’s resolution is simple and straightforward, when it really comes down to it: I resolve to move towards clarity. Clarity in my mind, in my writing, in my habits, in my body. It’s the best place for me to start.
Nov 19th, 2009 | life, photos | 3 Comments
I wanted to show you some of the photos from our trip. They are all either taken by me or Chris.
Look closely. No commies served.
I like that you can see Chris in my sunglasses.
Asheville biodiesel pump. Awesome.
Unibomber-looking dude.
We stopped here to buy cider. Not sure if there is an actual Bat Cave.
If you are going to decal up your purple truck, you might as well go all out and just get Three Wolves.
Chris gets epic pit stains. Just ask his students.
We also passed Miss Havisham's house.
Nov 18th, 2009 | Food, Fun, life | 2 Comments
*FYI, I totally was going to post this yesterday when I got home from class, but my host was down. See, people are conspiring against me and my already-failed quest to post every day this month.
We spent most of Saturday bumming around Asheville and surrounding parts. I really loved this town. I’d move there. There’s tons of weirdos and progressives nestled in the mountains. Downtown was walkable and the weather was sunny and warm. We ate a late breakfast at Early Girl Cafe. You can read about it in my Novice Foodie column today yesterday. I drank some decaf coffee and the food made me happy.
→ continue reading
Nov 16th, 2009 | Fun, life | 3 Comments
Chris and I took off late afternoon on Friday, heading towards Charlotte taking whatever path we felt like. We stopped for gas just outside of a town called Metropolis in Southern Illinois. So, like any rural town with a vague tie to a fictional character (see Hannibal, MO or Riverside, IA), they’re going to go overboard trying to milk some tourist dollars from aforementioned tie. So we saw the giant Superman. 
Then someone yelled at us as they drove by “You need to find something to do.” Indeed. Maybe we could head over to the two-story Dippin’ Dots this joint sported. 
Then we drove and drove and drove and drove and just when we thought we were on the homestretch to getting to Asheville, we see there’s a detour. The detour, which I located on the map after reading various flashing signs, was going to be about two hours out of our way, with no real option to avoid. SERVED. Little did I realize my friend Michelle, who we were going to visit, called and left me a message about said detour that I failed to listen to so it was my own damn fault.
Nov 4th, 2009 | family, life | No Comments
Oliver Fellow Shipp
7lbs 13 ounces
One of my best college girlfriends, Vanessa, gave birth to the first baby in our group of friends on Saturday night. She, BabyDaddy Dan, and Baby Oliver are doing just great. Love you, V and Dan! I even cropped out the rest of your boob before I posted this picture on the interwebs. THAT’S how much I love you.
Spring! I wore shorts yesterday and Sunday, and I so very badly wanted to put on flip-flops, KBO footwear of choice from April to October. Alas, I only made the transition from winter’s ubiquitous hiking boots to my sneakers. This time of year is my favorite, because the realization that the weather will undoubtedly get warmer is a daily treat, a surprise one gets when they don’t have to wear a winter coat or flinch going outside. I can smell the ground thawing and see little hints of emerging life. The perennial herbs in our front beds are peeking out from last year’s dead remnants. I saw tiny purple crocuses in a neighbors yard. Our yard only has last fall’s leaves and five months of dog shit that I must remove in order to dig my new giant garden bed. If only our dog shit had crocuses growing in it. My yard would be magical. → continue reading
